You know I pondered the idea of posting my thoughts today about an issue that took me back, there’s no other way to put it, and I was shocked, surprised, bewildered, and left numb. Hmm let’s see how to explain this without coming across evil, misunderstood, wounded, mad, sad, and pretty much bitchy. All those negative stereotypes the black women are labeled with.
I’m all about accepting responsibility it’s my new thing that’s leading me to a better me. I have made mistakes in my life. I’ve learned to not be so ashamed, simply because I won’t make those same mistakes again, leading me to believe I am wiser from those mistakes
Most of my mistakes come from the idea of pleasing a man wanting him to love me, accept me, care for me, and above all not to deceive me.
I was a lot younger than. Now I’m a bit hardened from all that crazy thinking. See now I just feel, if I love you, and I try 100% to be the women you need, that will be enough. I just want the same in return; nothing more, nothing less. I pride myself being Independent I don’t want a man for his money, I rather have his love, loyalty, commitment, and for him to make me feel like I’m the sexiest, pretties women alive.
I’m his, and he is mine. That’s all
You know ladies, once you’ve been hurt, it’s almost impossible to trust a man again. That is no exaggerating. You wait, and watch, and learn his ways to see if he’s different.
No matter how mentally strong you are, you never completely get over the unfaithfulness, and it leaves you scared. So any insignificant occurrence makes you suspicious. To hide something means you are ashamed, or guilty, its unconsciousness. To share something means to bring it out, open up its consciousness. I know relationships are hard, and I don’t mind a little test once in awhile, but I need the results to be proof of a secure commitment. Trust is like unreachable for me right now. Maybe I’m not giving that 100% more like 80%. Wow I have changed a lot I can see it through my typing, and reading this. I want to trust; I have the desire to be faithful, loving, and the idea of learning to administer my trust without the fear. Sometimes I wish there was a little green pill that a man could take to see inside of your heart. The only bad thing about it he would probably opt out. Chicken!!
Well if nothing else I feel better now. Have a peaceful day.